Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Raggedy Days and Silky, Smooth Hours.

Today, we talk about another boy.
He's been around for longer than we'd both like to admit, and he will be around for many years to come.
He may be the only person I have ever even coming close to using the L-word with, but don't tell him that. We keep our emotions a secret.

This boy, we'll call him Gab.

Gab loves to tell the story of our first encounter. He makes himself out to be the hero, and makes me out to be the damsel in distress. The way he tells the story is precious, but you'll have to live with my boring summary: I was a bit confused about a piece of machinery (imagine that), and he stepped in to help (or, in his terms, "rescue").

Gab and I had a very quick progression from being strangers to being inseparable, and each passing moment became more than just a tick on a clock; our time together was perfect.
We played a bit of a tennis game when we were in like, and we've been on different pages about our relationship ever since.
During that epiphenal moment when I finally decided he was worthy of my desires, he was looking for an unconventional situation (much like I chased down with Dom). And while he was dreaming of white picket fences, I was off chasing independence.

I got my heart broken.

Gab was the first boy to ever really understand what was going on inside of my head. He read me like a familiar book, and I read him like a brand new title that was hot off the press. He always kept me guessing.

The two of us never had a definite beginning, and I cross my heart we will never have a definite end, and I say with confidence that he will be the person whose face pops into my head on my wedding day (if I ever actually calm down enough to do that whole wedding business).
He and I are something that is truly special, despite our embarrassments and shortcomings.

He drives me absolutely insane sometimes, but at the end of the day I can't help smiling when I hear his name.

But I will say right now, just like I said about Dom: I am not in love with this boy.
However, he is the hook that temps me while I swim through the sea.


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Night Lightening Bolts Surged Through Our Fingers

I could bore you with my life story, but instead I'll start with the most recent happening in my life.

We'll call him Dom.

I saw him on my first day of high school, and from then on I knew that there was just something about that man that I'd never be able to get out of my head.

While we both inhabited the hallow halls of my high school, I would admire him from afar, making sure to keep a low profile. I have an inexplicable shyness when it comes to love interests, and he was no exception to my cold shoulder 

So how, you ask, did this shyness blossom into romance? Fast forward to a few years later when my desires could no longer be ignored, and neither could his.

It took nothing more than the brush of a hand under a streetlight for me to realized that his body was one that could not be ignored, so I began sending him little messages here and there suggesting my interest. But, as I said before, I was still unabashedly shy.
Years of not seeing each other went by before I made my big move, and boy was that a rewarded move to have made.

My vague messages suggesting interest were not enough, so one night I went for it.

"I'd let myself make bad decisions with you."
"I'd probably go along with it...

Minus the probably."

And so it began: the sneaking around, the lying, and the lust. 

He was much different than the other boys. He knew just what to do to keep me from getting bored, and he knew just how to woo me without scaring me off. I left our times together enamored and anxious for more, this he knew. 
I will state here that I did not love this boy. 
There were outside forces beyond my control that kept my guard up, which proved to be helpful.
I knew we would never be a conventional pair-- that was the appeal. I was sick and tired of of the boyfriend/girlfriend scene, and I was crazy about breaking out of that mold. He was just the kind of dysfunction I needed.
But, the story of B and Dom came to a screeching halt when aforementioned forces stepped in.

In a way, I was relieved. 
I never wanted to let myself want convention from him, and an abrupt end was just what I needed to keep myself in check.

So, now I'm back to swimming in that sea full of fishes.